Here is the article in video format:
In my last post I talked about the challenges of making difficult decisions - whether it's the right place to live, the right relationship or the ideal job. We recognised that there is no perfect choice and that our values play a central role in the decision-making process. I also emphasised that it can be helpful to appreciate the current situation and empathise with different options. But what if the decision is still pending? In this post, I want to look at how to deal with uncertainty and indecisiveness and develop strategies to cope well in the meantime.
An open decision can be incredibly engaging. When I wanted to decide where in Europe I wanted to live, nothing else went through my mind for months. I also know this challenge from working with clients. The unresolved decision and indecisiveness weighs over us like a heavy cloud. We worry, ruminate and weigh things up. We may also develop other reactions - perhaps we are constantly looking for distraction on our mobile phones or elsewhere to escape the difficult decision and its emotions.
In doing so, we can miss out on a lot of things that are happening in our actual lives. We are less present with family and friends, easily distracted at work and hardly enjoy beautiful moments. As we already know, the more time we spend thinking, the unhappier we become. Especially as there is a tendency not to invest very much when we already have one foot out the door.
indecisiveness: not choosing is not an option
What we can do is first recognise which option we are currently in. Until the moment you leave your partner, you choose to stay with them. Until the moment you move out, you choose to stay in your current place of residence. How do you want to spend the time you are in the current option? What do you want to stand for?
My advice: make the most of it as far as you can and don't get lost in the view of the other (supposedly) greener side.
Feelings, feelings, feelings...
What we can also do is first recognise that the current situation triggers unpleasant feelings in us. It is completely natural to feel fear, sadness or doubt. The decision is important to you and, as a rule, the more important someone or something is to us, the greater the feelings attached to it. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Anything else will only increase unpleasant feelings unnecessarily. Your feelings can also provide you with important information for your decision. For example, at some point I could feel how central the type of childcare would be for me, which I didn't realise at first.
It is also important to realise that there is no perfect, anxiety-free decision. Regardless of which option you choose, you will probably feel fear and doubt, perhaps feeling restless. If you wait for all fear to disappear and you are completely sure, you will probably wait forever.
And in order to cope well with this tough situation, we can support ourselves. Take good care of ourselves. Pay attention to how you treat yourself during this time. How are you holding your body when you think about the situation? What things are you saying to yourself (more or less consciously)? How would you talk to a good friend? Can you treat yourself in the same way?
Take away the omnipresence of the decision
It can also be helpful to give decision-making and indecisiveness a specific framework. It is quite natural for your mind to wander to this decision problem again and again. The question is whether you want to dwell on these thoughts permanently.
If not, you can make yourself a regular date to come to a fixed place (e.g. your sofa) and think about the decision (five to a maximum of 20 minutes should be enough). If the burden is particularly heavy, you can do this several times a day. Perhaps you can also make the intervals longer, e.g. once a day or a few times a week, or maybe even just a few times a month. If you catch yourself ruminating, recognise it and kindly refer your mind to the next date. If a thought seems important to you, make a short note. You can then "work through" these notes at your meeting if they still seem relevant to you.
Final thoughts
Making decisions is never easy and the state of indecision can be stressful and gruelling. However, by recognising and consciously shaping the current situation, we can use the time productively and in a fulfilling way. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with uncertainty and be compassionate with yourself. Try not to let the decision-making process become omnipresent by assigning it fixed times and places. This way you can better focus your energy and attention on the precious moments in the here and now.
Remember that there is no perfect decision and that it is normal to feel fear and doubt. But by taking small, conscious steps, you can find your way through the decision-making phase and ultimately make a decision that feels right for you. And even if the decision is still pending, you can live each day in line with your values and make the best of your current situation.
I hope this post helps you to get through the indecisiveness. If you have any questions or would like to share your own experiences, I look forward to hearing from you. How do you deal with periods of indecision? Is there anything that has helped you? Share it in the comments or write me a message. I would also be happy to accompany you in your decision-making process. Together we can master these challenges.