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Do you often feel restless and don't know exactly why? Are you wondering what to do about constant inner restlessness? Inner restlessness can be something that crops up from time to time without being a problem. However, if it is more intense or lasts longer, it may indicate that something is out of balance in your life.
It could be that you are ignoring your own needs or are under pressure without really realising it. Instead of simply wanting to get rid of this anxiety, it can be helpful to see it as a valuable clue. An underestimated or often misunderstood practice can help you here - self-compassion. Through self-compassion, you can stand by yourself and recognise and work on the underlying causes of your inner restlessness.
Self-compassion vs. self-pity
Many people shy away from the term ‘self-compassion’ because it is easy to confuse with self-pity, which has rather negative connotations, or simply seems too sentimental. There is a crucial difference:
- Self-compassion means that you are kind to yourself in difficult moments. You recognise your own pain or fears (so it really is about feelings, but it doesn't have to be ‘silly’) and respond to them as if you were trying to help a good friend: with kindness and understanding. For example: ‘I'm feeling restless inside, it's really unpleasant. Cheer up, I'm here, I can do this’
- Self-pity , on the other hand, can cause you to put yourself in a victim role without really looking at what is going on inside you and without really allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling and possibly becoming passive. You may think, ‘Why does this always happen to me? I can't do anything about it.’ Or complain a lot to others.
Self- pity potentially increases inner restlessness because you don't really look at what's going on inside you and don't take active steps to address the real causes. Self-compassion, on the other hand, can give you the strength to look after yourself kindly and change the things that are bothering you.
What to do about constant inner restlessness: understanding inner restlessness as a signal with self-compassion
So inner restlessness is often a sign that something in life is out of balance. But what can be done about constant inner restlessness? Many people tend to ignore or suppress unpleasant feelings. Especially if they have spent a lot of time in competitive sport, a competitive working environment or a highly performance-orientated home. The consequence - you may put off important decisions or personal needs. This is where self-compassion can help you.
- The first step is acceptance and acknowledgement: if you feel inner restlessness, recognise it without fighting it. Say to yourself: ‘Yes, I'm feeling restless right now, and that's okay.’ Try to allow the physical feeling of restlessness without fighting it. This often brings a little calming already.
- Explore your inner restlessness: Ask yourself: ‘What could my inner restlessness be telling me? What or who is this restlessness connected to that is important to me? Which area of my life is currently a challenge and remains unattended to? ‘ It could be unresolved emotional conflicts, fears, professional dissatisfaction or excessive self-criticism; perhaps you are dissatisfied with your entire life situation. It takes a little courage to take an honest look. You may also be able to benefit from professional counselling from a psychologist .
- Self-compassion: Be supportive and kind to yourself in all of this: move your focus away from self-blame or self-criticism ‘it's my own fault that I'm here now’ or ‘how could I be so stupid?’ You have already taken two big steps by allowing yourself to feel what you feel and having the courage to explore the feeling a little. Try to adopt a friendly attitude towards yourself - as if you were showing empathy to a good friend. ‘Yes, this is really difficult. I'm here for myself. I can do this.’
By taking the signals from within you seriously and responding to them with self-compassion, you can take the first step towards change. The focus is not on simply getting rid of the restlessness, but on finding out what it is trying to tell you. Sometimes we also find ourselves in situations where we can't do anything to resolve them straight away. I'll come to that later.
What really counts: Doing things that are important to you
We often find ourselves on auto-pilot, responding to what other people or society supposedly expect of us. Self-compassion means not only turning to yourself and comforting yourself, but also asking: ‘What is really important to me?’ Think about what your inner restlessness is telling you about what is important to you in life. Also think about what you want to stand for in this life. Ask yourself how you can take a small step in this direction today and thus respect your values, needs and, most importantly, yourself .
Even if the restlessness is there, you can take small steps to start aligning your life with your values and needs instead of losing yourself in procrastination or rumination. If you can't see a solution to your situation and the inner restlessness remains, it may be advisable to do things that you know could soothe you.
Self-soothing
An important technique for dealing with inner restlessness is mindful self-soothing. In contrast to strategies that only aim to avoid anxiety or pain, mindful self-soothing focuses on acceptance and self-compassion. You accept that you feel restless and treat yourself with kindness and support.
The aim is not primarily to get rid of the restlessness, but to do something good for yourself in moments of restlessness. It's as if a hyper-aroused child comes to you and you want to look after it. There are various practices for this:
- Breathing techniques: Mindful breathing, where you concentrate on your breath and consciously notice every inhalation and exhalation, can help you to arrive in the here and now. Techniques such as Box Breathing or the physiological sigh can also help with this and possibly alleviate your inner restlessness.
- Self-care activities: Integrate activities into your everyday life that are good for you and consider the easing of inner restlessness as a welcome side effect, but not as the primary goal of the activities. Think about it - what usually calms you down, what makes you relax? Examples are walks in nature, yoga, consciously enjoying a cup of tea, drawing or painting, or listening to your favourite music.
- Mindful awareness: Practise mindfulness in everyday life by focusing your attention on the little things that are good for you and fully engaging with your sensory experiences. Whether it's enjoying a beautiful view, the sound of leaves in the wind or petting a pet - it's often the small things that help us to pause in difficult moments.
Conclusion
Inner restlessness is not something you need to fight. It is a sign that something in your life needs attention. With self-compassion, you can lovingly address this signal, recognise your needs and take the first step towards change. With the help of mindful self-soothing, you can take good care of yourself, even if there initially seems to be no way out of your situation.
If you feel like you are constantly struggling with inner restlessness and not getting anywhere, I invite you to work with me to find out what your restlessness is trying to tell you. During a psychological counselling session, we can look together at how you can find your way with self-compassion and clarity and do what matters to you. You are welcome to send me a non-binding message.