Perfectionism & depression: possible connection and how to deal with it better

Do you sometimes feel down and lacking in motivation – and at the same time place high demands on yourself? Maybe you've always had a tendency toward perfectionism or just want to do things really well. If that sounds familiar, it’s possible that perfectionism is playing a role in your depressive symptoms. In this article, you’ll learn how perfectionism and depression can be connected, what might be behind it, and what you can do if you're facing this combination and want to relieve some of the constant pressure.

Perfectionism ≠ Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be both a friend and an enemy. It can help you achieve excellent results at work or in sports, or build an ideal daily routine. As a successful, globally mobile woman, your high standards have likely taken you far and helped you set and reach your career goals. It’s not a small question – and it’s an important one too: Why have you achieved all these things? And why are they important to you? Take a moment to reflect on that.

Perfectionism can come from different motives. Most things we do or say can be examined in terms of their function. What motivates you to do things really well – what do you gain from it? What or whom are you trying to avoid? In that sense, perfectionism can vary in its function. One key aspect when it comes to perfectionism and depression is fear. The crucial question is: Are your perfectionistic efforts and actions a way to prove your worth, to avoid fears and insecurities (e.g., fear of rejection)? Or are you simply driven by the joy of creating something great?

It would be an illusion to believe that this distinction cleanly separates everyone into two neat categories. But perhaps a tendency will become clearer to you as you think about it. What’s most valuable, though, is to ask yourself in small moments: Am I doing this right now to avoid fear or insecurity, to prove my worth – or because I genuinely feel like it?

How Perfectionism and Depression Can Reinforce Each Other

And human beings are… human.

Human nature is imperfect – and that’s what makes us who we are. When your standards are high and life happens (a breakup, more work than you can handle, suddenly losing a job, a tough decision…), disappointment, self-criticism, and fear are almost inevitable. Especially if excellent performance is your only source of self-worth, it’s easy to get caught in a vicious cycle. If you fail to meet your own standards, you feel bad – and try even harder to perform. This quickly leads to exhaustion. And exhaustion makes it harder to do great work – ultimately damaging your self-worth with the result that your self-esteem suffers. That, in turn, can contribute to depression.

A “Zombie” of Your Insecurity?

When fear and insecurity are driving your actions, perfectionism can become a trap – and even worsen depressive symptoms.

An example: Imagine you're faced with a difficult task at work (which, of course, you want to do really well), but you keep putting it off. In the moment, this feels good because you’re avoiding the (perhaps unconscious) fear and uncertainty of not doing it well enough. But over time, the pressure builds, and you start feeling increasingly guilty – out of alignment with yourself. You swing between avoidance and harsh self-criticism, and your self-esteem suffers. You rush to complete the task at the last minute and end up completely exhausted. Then your inner critic scolds you for procrastinating yet again.Your mind blames you for putting it off for so long again.

How to break the vicious cycle

3 pointers for recognition & exploration

Observe yourself over the next three days: When and where does your perfectionism play a role in your daily life that makes it less livable? What keeps you from doing important things or causes you to avoid them? Here are a few ideas: