We are all constantly confronted with minor and major fears in our lives. Many of my clients express their worries. Fears and worries about the future, their own future, that of their children, that of our world, thoughts about what could go wrong in relationships, interpersonal situations or in a work context.
It's normal for your mind to keep wandering to everything that could go wrong. After all, it has evolved in this way to protect us as best as possible from all dangers and to keep an eye on everything. This was essential for our ancestors to ensure their own survival and that of their offspring. "There was a tiger there last, I need better weapons, a better cave, mustn't be rejected by my group." Unfortunately, however, this safeguarding is difficult for our mental health in today's everyday life.
Characteristics of worrying
What are worries?
Worries are thoughts that deal with possible dangers. Anxious worrying, which reaches a harmful level, is characterised by various features:
- You feel overexcitable - this manifests itself in increased tension and can be accompanied by various things such as restlessness, sleep disturbances or irritability.
- You are in a negative mood.
- You sense a feeling of unpredictability or uncontrollability.
- Your focus of attention is repeatedly on threatening things.
So if you feel these things, you are worrying to an extent that is not good for you.
Another characteristic and problem of worrying is that it takes an incredible amount of time before you actually feel well prepared for anything difficult or threatening. Research also shows a negative correlation between worrying and actual action planning - the more time spent worrying, the less likely actual action planning will occur. However, actual action planning is what we should actually be striving for. Without problem solving and action planning, everything remains the same.
Another typical behaviour is "problem hopping". Your mind jumps from one problem to the next, highlighting everything that is difficult, doesn't work, will go wrong, can't be good. You may even briefly think about what you could do. What usually happens, however, is that you never stay with a problem long enough to develop an actual solution and come up with a plan of action.
The consequences of worrying
But the important question is - where does worrying lead you? With my clients, I like to look at the short-term and long-term consequences of certain behaviour.
In the short term, you may be able to escape unpleasant feelings with your worries because you are very much in your head. It may also give you the feeling that you are working hard on your problems. Or it might give you a little more supportive attention from your loved ones. Maybe it also helps you to feel prepared for the worst. But what happens in the long term when you worry? Will it get you where you want to go? Are you actually solving problems? What about all the time you spend thinking about danger? Is this how you want to invest your time and energy?
What you can do if you often worry
The first important step is to realise that you are worrying to an extent that is not good for you. The next step is to become aware of what you are doing while you are worrying. And to create a distance to these thoughts. Instead, you can ask yourself questions that start with "What" or "How".
For example, what you need to focus your attention on now in order to make the best of the current situation. Perhaps this is active problem solving and action planning. Or maybe you want to bring your attention back to the present moment. Perhaps you are watching a film, at work or surrounded by your family and want to give these things your full attention again. Perhaps all you can do is treat yourself with love and show yourself care and self-compassion.
It may also be advisable to seek professional support. I can help you on your way to spending less time worrying. Feel free to write me a message.
Perhaps you not only have worrisome thoughts about the future, but also about the past and generally spend a lot of time thinking? Then my article about rumination might be interesting for you. Did you like this article? Feel free to share it with friends and acquaintances if you think it might be helpful to them.