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‘Sleeping is an art,’ my great-grandfather used to say, and that really hits the nail on the head. Sleep problems, characterised by difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, can get on our last nerve. Worries, rumination, feeling restless inside while at the same time being completely exhausted are often compounded by fears of not being able to cope with the next day if you don't fall asleep in the next five minutes. This quickly creates a vicious circle of stress and pressure, and sleeping remains an uncontrolled art for the moment – at least in our perception.
While it is important to rule out physical causes for serious, persistent sleep problems, this article refers to sleep problems with psychological causes such as overload and stress. As someone with a busy schedule and eight balls to juggle in your everyday life, this article is for you if you either cannot fall asleep or cannot sleep through the night. Here you will learn what causes sleep problems and how to get them under control.
A different perspective on sleep problems: sleep as a reflection of your (everyday) life
Poor sleep is a sign of stress or anxiety for many people. In times of high stress, busy days or many unpredictable events, it can be difficult to relax in the evening. Our minds have evolved to ensure that we are aware of potential challenges or dangers (anything else would have been life-threatening in earlier times). So if you are suddenly woken up at night with the thought of a (small) unfinished task, your mind is doing one thing: its job. Often, there was no opportunity during the day to address this concern and get your attention.
If there are periods in our lives when we repeatedly experience sleep disturbances (e.g. those involving particularly high but temporary stress, such as the run-up to the end of the financial year or critical project phases), this is unpleasant but acceptable in the long term. It becomes difficult when particularly high stress becomes a permanent condition and healthy routines for dealing with stress are lost.
So if you are having trouble sleeping, I invite you to first take a look at what is currently going on in your life, whether it is temporary, or whether something has perhaps ‘crept in’ that needs attention. Otherwise, the following tips will help you get your sleep problems under control.
Tackling sleep problems: creating the right conditions
Whether we fall asleep or stay asleep is not something we can directly control, but we can control the environment we create for ourselves to sleep in. If you tend to suffer from sleep disturbances, we can also address this and examine what you do when you wake up at night.
1. Make your bed a ‘safe space’
Your time in bed should be reserved for two activities only: sleep and sex. These two things should bring us relaxation and joy; they should be pleasant. This means that anything unpleasant or stressful does not belong in your bed. With my clients, I often see two ways in which this fails. Firstly, through mobile phone use in bed, either for social media consumption or to check emails or messages while still in bed. On the other hand, many of my clients come to me complaining that they lie awake at night worrying or brooding. Gradually, your own bed becomes less and less a place you associate with rest and pleasure.
The result: your bed becomes a place associated with problems and unpleasantness, which in turn exacerbates difficulties falling asleep and staying asleep. The fear of not getting enough sleep often leads to a tendency to go to bed even earlier, before you even feel tired – which in turn encourages you to lie awake, thereby reinforcing the association of sleep with problems.
The way out: Make your bed your safe space again. Reading something or listening to a podcast that is not extremely exciting but still interesting enough for you can be helpful in falling asleep. This gives our naturally restless mind something to hold on to so that it does not wander to worries and problems.
Consider placing a traditional alarm clock by your bed again so that you can do without your mobile phone in the bedroom altogether and give yourself a little peace and quiet in the mornings and evenings. If you wake up at night and can't get back to sleep, leave your bed and find another comfortable place (e.g. sofa/armchair) where you can sit and read or write in dim light until you feel tired again, and only then go back to bed.
2. Ensure balance and breaks
When your desk is overflowing with work, it is especially important to ensure you have a good work-life balance. In her book "Burnout" although we cannot eliminate the stressor (e.g. the project/the variety of tasks) in the short term, we can certainly end the ‘stress cycle’ on a daily basis. So make sure you build in some balance every day: this could be sport, a contrast shower, a long hug, a walk or singing in a choir.
One of all the activities that make your life worth living, and either raise your pulse or your mood or bring you peace, should be integrated into your daily routine. Important: Anything is better than nothing – even a five-minute walk is better than staying seated at your computer. Breaks are not a reward, but a necessary prerequisite for being able to work with focus.
3. Be mindful with light and screens
Daylight influences our circadian rhythm. When you get up in the morning and see bright (day)light, it triggers a whole cascade of hormones in your body that help you feel awake during the day and tired again in the evening. That's why it's important not to look at screens for longer than absolutely necessary at least an hour before bedtime.
4. Establish regular times
Simple and easy – try to establish a reasonably consistent rhythm for going to bed and getting up. This should also be similar at weekends and ideally vary by a maximum of ~ 30 minutes from day to day. After a certain amount of time, you will find that you often wake up before your alarm clock and feel well rested.
Conclusion: From brooding to a restful night
Sleep problems are rarely an isolated issue, but rather a clear signal from your body and mind that the challenges of everyday life are taking up too much space and there is not enough balance. As explained, the vicious circle of stress and pressure often arises because we give our brain (and our soul) little opportunity during the day to recover or deal with deeper challenges – it then catches up at night in bed. The key lies in creating good conditions: make your bed a ‘safe space’ again without screens, integrate daily balancing rituals, and be mindful of how you use light and time.
Putting theory into practice can be difficult (especially when you are already overtired). This is exactly where my new email series, ‘Better Sleep for High Achievers,’ comes in.
Instead of having to change everything at once, I will accompany you week by week with specific, psychologically sound tips that you can immediately integrate into your everyday life. From designing your evening routine to techniques for dealing with night-time mind chatter – receive practical inspiration directly in your inbox.
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