Do you keep thinking about whether it was the right decision to start your new job abroad? Is it hard to get your ex out of your head? When there’s a problem at work, do you keep going over it in your mind, wondering whether you expressed yourself well, or how serious the problem is?
At the same time, you might feel guilty because you haven’t reached out to your friends for days or spent too much time scrolling through feeds that don’t really interest you. You know you miss your friends but just can’t bring yourself to connect. If any of this sounds familiar, there’s a good chance you tend to overthink, which means spending a lot of time thinking about something without reaching a clear conclusion. You’re not alone; many others feel the same way.
In the following article, you will learn how to recognize overthinking and change it step by step, so you can experience more clarity, calm, and presence in your daily life.
What does overthinking mean, and how does it start?
Sadness, one of our five completely normal and everyday basic emotions, often triggers reflection in many women, unlike in men, who tend to distract themselves instead. Why am I sad? What is causing my sadness?
Reflection can quickly turn into rumination, a term psychology borrowed from biology. Cows chew their cud again and again. Similarly, when we overthink, we repeatedly go over “undigested” thoughts. Overthinking is a process where a person persistently thinks about their feelings and problems – this passive thinking takes over their attention. Studies have linked rumination to various mental health disorders. People with depression or anxiety tend to ruminate, which can contribute to the development, maintenance, or relapse of these conditions.
So, does nothing really matter? How you can stop overthinking
How to tell the difference between overthinking and useful thinking
It is helpful to differentiate between when you are actually solving a problem in your mind and when you are just overthinking unproductively. Because overthinking often even feels productive. Problem solving differs from overthinking in that it involves fewer abstract thoughts and more concrete thoughts.
Abstract thoughts usually arise from questions like “Why?” For example, “Why did I procrastinate for so long?” or “Was the last breakup really the right decision?” These are examples of abstract thoughts that do not have a clear right answer. Concrete thoughts, on the other hand, relate to specific situations and experiences and focus more on questions starting with “What?” and “How?” This means planning and carrying out actions. For example, “What would be a small first step to get started?” or “What can I do now to feel better?”
Overthinking leads to nothing but more overthinking, especially when two factors are present: the content of your thoughts is highly distressing, or you are already feeling down. It is best to reflect on difficult life questions when you are in a better mood, perhaps while talking with a close friend or in a trusted setting with a psychologist.
Being present in the moment
Breaking free from overthinking is possible with practice. Another effective method is mindfulness. This is not only emphasized by traditional philosophical and religious approaches such as Buddhism but is also supported by scientific research. Mindfulness means the ability to focus on the present moment and to approach whatever you find there with openness and even kindness. Guided, classic breathing meditations have been shown to reduce the tendency to overthink.
You can also practice mindfulness in everyday life by giving your full attention to routine activities, such as drinking a cup of coffee. You can do the same regularly with your inner processes by briefly scanning your body throughout the day to notice what sensations are present. This is also a good first step toward making room for feelings, learning to observe what is happening in your body without judging it. This can also help you develop a more sensitive awareness of yourself and may allow you to recognize earlier when you are lost in thought, so that you can bring your attention back to the present moment.
Creating balance
Imagine you are lying on a surfboard. When you are going through a difficult phase in life, it is important to maintain balance in order to keep moving forward. If your left arm represents dealing with challenges or processing difficult experiences, and your right arm stands for distraction, you would just go in circles if you only used one arm to paddle. Therefore, a balance between facing challenges and allowing yourself distraction through enriching activities is necessary to keep moving forward.
You care deeply
Your tendency to overthink shows one thing above all: you care deeply about things. Yet, it only helps you to a limited extent and can fuel feelings of dissatisfaction, exhaustion, and anxiety.
If you find yourself overthinking, that is already a success because you have noticed what you are doing instead of sinking deeper into your thoughts. There is no reason for self-criticism even if your mind thinks otherwise. Instead, it is an opportunity to return to the here and now. If there is a problem that requires your attention, you can shift to active problem solving. Ask yourself what you can do in the present moment to make the best of the situation. That means focusing on actions that will bring you closer to the life you want right now.
I have created a five-week mini-series on the topic of overthinking that gives you a clear and easy-to-follow tip each week. It is completely free and you can of course unsubscribe anytime.
Your first small step away from self-doubt, sadness, and anxiety toward what truly matters. Sign up now.
Do you have any questions or comments? I look forward to hearing from you!
Love,
Nina
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