Perhaps you know the feeling: you lie in bed at night and your mind just won't stop racing. Thoughts about work, a decision you have to make, your children, the future, maybe even everything at once. For clients, this is often accompanied by a feeling of inner turmoil. And often there is one thing behind it all: anxiety.
Are you familiar with thoughts such as:
“How can I phrase this without getting my boss angry at me?”
“What if I overlook something at work?”
"Will I regret my choice at some point?"
Worries and fears are fundamentally helpful in protecting us from danger and wasted energy, and in preparing us well for challenges – and, in the right measure, they are certainly effective. In the past, these same mechanisms ensured our survival. Today, the problem is that our brains react to deadlines, conflicts, or “the agony of choice” almost as if our survival were at stake. Given the complexity and freedoms of our everyday lives today, it is precisely this kind of reassurance that poses a real challenge to our mental health. In the following article, you will learn about:
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Signs and characteristics of excessive worry
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Consequences of excessive worry
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How to move from worrying to a healthier and more balanced everyday life
Characteristics of excessive worry
If you recognize several of the following points in yourself, the worries are probably taking more from you than they are giving you:
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Your body is often tense; you are easily irritable, restless, or sleep poorly.
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Your mood is often negative.
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You often feel uncertain or helpless about what might happen.
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Your attention keeps returning to possible dangers.
If several of these points apply, it is a sign that your worries have become a burden for you – not just “useful precautions.”
Another problem with worrying: it takes an incredible amount of time before you actually feel well prepared for everything that is difficult or threatening.
And then let's consider what happens when you play through more and more scenarios in order to gain certainty: Let's stick with the scenario involving your boss. The more possible formulations you go through, the more variations of your boss's possible reactions come to mind. So the exact opposite tends to happen: instead of feeling more certain, with each scenario you become more aware of everything that could go wrong.
Perhaps you are familiar with the problem of thinking about one challenge and immediately being confronted with another problem. Your mind jumps from one problem to the next, highlighting everything that is difficult or could go wrong, and this may be linked to another issue that is also unresolved, and so on. First work, then the future, then your relationship. You go round and round in circles – but you don't get anywhere. It feels like you're working on things internally, but nothing really gets any easier.
The consequences of worrying
I like to look at the short-term and long-term consequences of my clients' strategies with them.
In the short term, worrying often feels helpful – perhaps you feel like you are creating control and security, or at least preparing for the worst. This is entirely realistic up to a certain point.
In the long run, worrying costs a lot of time, energy, sleep, and peace of mind. It's like taking away your own self-confidence. Constant preparation undermines your confidence that you will somehow master the situation, and doubts about your own ability to act at a certain point in the future gain the upper hand.
The bottom line is that, unfortunately, the calculation often does not add up. And then the question arises: How can we deal with fear if not through worry?
How you can deal with anxiety and worries
Recognizing that your fears have a hold on you is the first important step toward dealing with them better. From here, you can:
Share instead of staying silent
You may feel that no one shares your worries. Share them anyway – with friends or trusted people. Those who withdraw, isolate themselves, or remain silent feel increasingly lonely, which is not a good basis for self-confidence and motivation. Many people feel that they are alone with their worries – but rest assured, this is not the case. Knowing that “we are all in the same boat” reduces isolation, creates solidarity, and gives courage.
Recognize that preparation is not the same as action
Research clearly shows that the longer we remain passive or merely “prepare,” the less likely we are to actually take action. This is especially true in difficult situations – such as a conversation with your manager. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to really tackle the issue.
See what is “good enough”
Perfect preparation is rarely necessary to get started. Often, “good enough” is enough to take the first step – and it is precisely this step that is more effective than endless planning.
Use the magical ingredient that German Goethe also used
Goethe sums it up perfectly: “Success has three letters (two, in english): DO.” Real change does not come from constantly rethinking things, but from taking action. Trying things out is often more helpful than theoretical perfection. Instead of getting bogged down in details, take risks and try new things to gain genuine feedback and clarity.
Acknowledge feelings and explore options for action
When you worry, you focus on things that are (or will be) beyond your control. A key part of the process is therefore to recognize the associated uncertainties and fears and learn to deal with them. At the same time, it is worth examining your actual scope for action: What concrete steps can you take despite the uncertainty? How do I want to spend my everyday life?
Seek professional support if necessary
A psychologist can help you to better manage your emotional barriers and plan concrete steps that will actually get you moving toward building a life that you enjoy living.
Worries are therefore a useful mechanism – but only up to the point where they rob you of excessive time, energy, confidence, and inner peace. The important thing is not to make the thoughts disappear immediately, but to notice them, treat them with compassion, and at the same time take small, concrete steps (good enough instead of perfect). Sharing, trying things out, and testing your own scope for action will help you get off the merry-go-round of thoughts.
Perhaps you not only have worrisome thoughts about the future, but also about the past and generally spend a lot of time thinking? Then my article about rumination might be interesting for you. Did you find my article helpful? Feel free to share it with friends and acquaintances if you think it could be helpful for them.